Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize