Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
