I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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