yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We have started to decorate penises.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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