Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Couch. On fire.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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