Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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