I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
