Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
