Is it because I queefed?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
