its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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