you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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