3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
