I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
