we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
