my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
