I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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