fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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