we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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