Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
