oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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