dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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