They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
