There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
