They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
