i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
