Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
