Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sober January is a disaster.
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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