'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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