I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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