i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
