Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
