Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
