Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dignity is for republicans.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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