I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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