I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
