Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
