so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
