I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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