that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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