pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
