Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
