Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
