I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just gargled with NyQuil
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
