think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
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If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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