My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
