Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
