I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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