So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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