i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
