I'm so fucking centered right now
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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