She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
