So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I need to stop coming to work sober
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
