dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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