Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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