and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
