Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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