Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
