WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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