The best revenge is premature balding
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
