she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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