So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
