Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
