I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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