It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
