sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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