what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
