Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
