I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
