Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When are your genitals available?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
