Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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