i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
