im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
