Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
