We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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