Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
