i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
