Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
