Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
