now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He felt like a one man threesome
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
