i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
