Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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