I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
