Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
